The Universal Ant Theorem
On every planet in the Universe there will be found ants.
Proof:
Any planet worth visiting will be visited in large numbers and large numbers of organic beings will eventually have a picnic. By the Principle of Worst Occurrences, ants must arrive to ruin this picnic. Therefore, ants must be found on this planet.
This Theorem has an addendum due to WMW:
For the planets not worth visiting... who cares?
The Universal Ant Theorem has a cousin, The Universal Aunt Theorem. Though the Universal Ant Theorem came first, the two are related, and therefore people commonly comment on both of them. Hence the following:
Comments on the Universal Ant/Aunt Theorem by WMW
The principle of worst occurrences upon which the U.A.T. depends, has only been shown to be valid for humans on planet Earth. Speculating that this principle is valid for all organic beings capable of visiting worthwhile planets is paramount to speculating that all planets contain ants/aunts.
Comments on the Comments on the Universal Ant Theorem by WMW by the theorem's creator
Suppose there exists a group of organic beings for which some things that can go wrong don't. Let the members of this group be called Fnordians.
Fnordians will establish an optimistic view of the Universe since things go well for them. So, when Fnordians encounter another group of organic beings for which the Principle of Worst Occurrences holds, this group will be annoyed by the Fnordians' intolerable cheeriness and massacre the lot of them.
Information Entered On: 2005-06-19