Time-Elapsed Algorithm

A triumph of computer science, this algorithm is a means to accurately misreport the length of time that has elapsed for a given program run. Going far beyond the simple pseudo-random algorithms of the past, this algorithm is so deceptively wrong that the user has no choice but to believe what it reports as truth -- even in the presence of overwhelming empirical evidence against the time it states. It is truly the 'innocent face' of computer algorithms.

It is sophisticated in its simplicity and design, and a monument to efficient coding. The most adept programmer never fails to marvel at this gem of programming even after having it persuade them that it tells the truth. It is persistent and relentless, yet totally immune to incredulousness. Despite its chicanery, everyone believes it time and time again -- and because of that, this algorithm will eternally ensure that no human ever knows the true time elapsed.