Waiting for Satire to Happen
Waiting for Satire to Happen is the title of a briefly popular online article that now survives on a cult following. It was originally composed by an unknown writer who posted it on her blog before committing suicide later that week. Through a freak sequence of events that not a single person has been able to sufficiently explain, the article made its way into a widely circulated electronic magazine—where the readers immediately connected with it. However, once the readership became aware that the author had committed suicide, they instantaneously discovered a vehement disdain for the article. This would have been the article's end had the Suicide Group [SG] (who proudly boast "negative four members and shrinking!") not intervened and threatened the e-zine with a lawsuit for anything the SG could think up.The involvement of the SG resulted in a media circus that exposed the article to the world, brought up a great debate about suicide and death, and finally accomplished nothing of real value before another issue that would never be resolved was presented by the press.
After the frenzy died down, the family of the deceased author attempted to get financial retribution from everyone who published their relative's article without permission. Their lawyers argued that despite the prominent "copyright free" notice attached to the article, the family was greedy and deserved to make money from their relation's demise. The judges were unconvinced, and their ruling effectively placed the article in the public domain.
The legislature, enraged by this ruling that was sane, legal, and rationally sound, responded by passing vague and unspecific copyright laws that were so nebulous they situationally placed anything under copyright domain—including the laws themselves (thus preventing their being printed or known by any person)
The new laws were, however, unable to re-copyright Waiting for Satire to Happen (though many valiant attempts were made). This put the article in a position to be posted on various websites and distributed through email where its odd charm found favor with some individuals—and it is by their overwhelming demand that the text of the article is reprinted, in its entirety, below:
Some important person once said "the event of waiting is an event itself"; at least one of them must have—there have been enough of them over time. If no one has then I claim copyright, patent, trademark, and all other legally binding exclusive ownership rights permitted by law.
Anyway, whoever said that was a pompous ass. Not necessarily because they made that statement, but more so because important people just tend to be. But the statement itself is pompous and assine as well as downright stupid.
As I sit here at <insert any event you'd like> waiting for it to occur, the statement stands before me so plump and flavored with idiocy that it oozes all over and stains the carpet. That is, if there were a carpet around to stain. But there isn't, there is only the mind numbing nothingness of a non-event not happening; a state of emptiness hoping for the future to contain whatever it was that brought people here in the first place.
Yet it seems that right now, in this barren period, no one can remember why they came nor what the purpose is of existing right here, at this time—the nothingness before the something.
Information Entered On: 2005-11-25